Archive for the ‘Dating and Relationships’ Category

How Are Christians Supposed to Look at Dating?

There is all kinds of advice out there about dating today, but a lot of it is about dating in the world rather than Christian dating. Christians need to have a different attitude toward dating. However, even among Christians there are differences as to whether you should or should not date. The choice is up to your and your parents, but Christian teens should still know God’s perspective on dating.

Non-Christians have a different perspective on dating. You see the magazines, TV shows, and movies that tell you how you’re young, and you should date a lot of people before you get married. You see certain “role models” jumping from one dating relationship to another.

Yet God has more in store for you than just jumping from one relationship to another. He is clear on whom you should date and why you should date. When it comes to Christian dating, you live according to a different standard – God’s. Yet it’s not just about following the rules. There are some solid reasons why God asks us to live a certain way, and dating is no different.

Why Should Christian Teens Date (Or Not Date)?

While most people have differing opinions about dating, it is one area of the Bible where there is not a lot of information. However, Christian teens can get some idea of God’s expectations from certain scripture verses:

Genesis 2:24: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (NIV)

Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (NIV)

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (NIV)
These three scriptures give insight into the Christian dating life. We need to realize that God means for us to meet the ONE person that we are meant to marry. According to Genesis, a man will leave home to marry one women to become one flesh. You do not need to date a lot of people – just the right one.

Also, Christian teens need to guard their hearts. The word “love” is thrown around with little thought. Yet, we often live for love. We live for God’s love first and foremost, but we also live for the love of others. While there are many definitions of love, 1Corinthians tells us how God defines love.

It is love that should drive Christian teens to date, but it should not be the shallow version of love. When you date it should be taken seriously. You should know the person you are dating and know their beliefs.

You should check your potential boyfriend against the values listed in 1 Corinthians. Ask yourself if the two of you are patient and kind to one another. Are you envious of one another? Do you boast about one another or to each other? Go through the characteristics to measure your relationship.

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Kelli Mahoney is an experienced Christian Youth worker and published writer. Kelli has been working with Christian Teens for almost as long as she has been a Christian. She started out at a leader with the Senior High Ministry at Calvary Church in Naperville, Illinois and eventually worked at the Administrator for the NXT, or Senior High Ministry. Kelli also has significant experience working with troubled teens through her work in Juvenile Probation and mental health counseling. Visit her blog here: http://christianteens.about.com/b/

Rebekah Speaks Today: “You may find the right person to marry when you’re least expecting it.”

Hit movies, novels and TV dramas all seem to want you to think that they have the right answers when it comes to attracting a good guy. But you might be surprised to know that Rebekah had all the answers, even 4,000 years ago. She attracted a soul mate without trying at all — as should be the case.

It’s not that Rebekah didn’t care how she looked. In fact, the Bible talks about her rare beauty. But her life wasn’t consumed with her looks or with trying to attract a guy. Her life was consumed with serving others and God. Her physical appearance wasn’t flawed by her character. She evidently spent more time working on her inner beauty than her outer beauty.

And guess what! Rebekah was exactly the type of girl Isaac wanted and his father’s servant went searching for. He wasn’t looking for someone obsessively boy crazy or a flirt. He was looking for something different.

It’s hard not to be consumed in finding or maintaining relationships. And it’s tough not to spend these years in anxious worry about who likes you or whom you like. But God has a much better way: the worry-free path of obedience, trust and gentle grace.

Just Like You
OK, so you say you’re not worried about finding the perfect guy, but you’re not planning on being a nun, either. So you wonder, How exactly do I go about attracting a godly man? Here are a few things that worked for Rebekah:

  • Don’t try to be noticed. Rebekah wasn’t asking for attention. She was just doing her job. She didn’t hide, but she didn’t go out of her way to try to get noticed, either.
  • Make every day count. Rebekah must have made it a point to look nice each and every trip to the well. She always brought her best personality, attitude and appearance.
  • Guard your purity. Abraham’s servant immediately sensed Rebekah’s purity. Purity encompassed who she was as a young woman. This purity made her more attractive for the man God would bring across her path.
  • Put others first. Often those who give the most to serve others seem to experience blessings as a result. Don’t be so obsessed with pursuing a godly guy that you edge and elbow yourself to the front of every line, on every stage and into every supposedly cool crowd. Instead, let your service do the talking.

Think About It
Are you the kind of girl that a godly guy would be interested in? What areas of your life need improvement to first bring you closer to God and then to make you more spiritually attractive to others? Spend some time seriously thinking about these questions. Pray about them this month.

Ask God to help you start becoming the godly woman right now that your future husband will need.

Daniel Darling is an author and pastor with a passion for young people. He is the author of Teen People of the Bible, a 100-day devotional for teens. Visit him on Facebook by clicking here, or at danieldarling.com.